 | The Dazzler movie that never was (or will be) |
It's difficult to understand the character of Dazzler today. One can attempt to connect her to the modern day 'divas' such as Lady Gaga, but that's ignoring the elephantine disco ball in the diddle of the room. Dazzler was an attempt to capitalize on the disco fad and cement a relationship with Casablanca Records (home of the then-popular KISS). Even after an introduction in a Claremont/Byrne issue of the X-Men, not much came of it. Her monthly book was a cult hit and attracted an unusually high standard of creative talent... but it was still built on the backbone of disco.
Recently a spotlight dance has been centered on the Dazzler feature film and the debacle that was almost unleashed on the viewing public. It's so absurd that I want to see it, even in Playmobil format. Evil musicians ruling a post-apocalyptic future where dinosaurs roam is just too amazing tpo not realize. Maybe the attention will prompt a revisit to the project and I'll get my evil wish.
IO9 has posted an amazing article about the astound Dazzler film that never was, linking to the script excerpts over at Jim Shooter's astounding blog (that's two sites for you to bookmark).
Note: Regular poster and contributor Zeno brought Shooter's blog to my attention a couple of month's back. it's essential reading.
Dazzler, the Marvel superhero pop star — who has the power to transform sound into light — completely and totally deserves her own movie. She's a disco diva with a lot of sass, and some incredibly bad decision-making skills (she once fought Galactus). Plus with music starlets like Britney Spears and Lady Gaga ruling pop culture, surely there's some demand today for a pop star superhero flick. This was not the movie that ex-Marvel EIC Jim Shooter wrote. Instead of a fabulous story about a pop star kicking ass, Shooter went full-nuts and wrote this amazingly demented script about Dazzler, The Avengers and Spider-Man getting transported into the future to fight off famous musicians.
The whole story of how this screenplay came to be is hilarious, and you should read the full tale at Shooter's site, but basically sometime in 1979 Hollywood asked Shooter to piece together a Dazzler script, in four days. They suggested he team up with Harlan Ellison (ha!). Shooter sat down and poured out what is surely the most demented tale we've ever laid eyes on. And at one point Bo Derek was actually attached to star in this film. But alas, it fell into some script purgatory hell, never to be heard of again. Until Shooter posted the 12-page pitch on his site. Here's the run-down.
As for casting, the studio had high hopes — including Cher as the Witch Queen, Donna Summer as the Queen of Fire, KISS as the Deadknights, Robin Williams as Tristan, Rodney Dangerfield as Dewey Cheetham and Howe (and Lord Chaos), The Village People as The Stompers, and Lenny and Squiggy as the Jesters. (And for now, let's just say Bo Derek as Dazzler).
Dazzler by Kalman Andrasofszky
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Rodney Dangerfield (Cheetham) and Robin Williams (the sexy love interest Tristan) are caught in the middle of a battle and give the heroes shelter. What they see around them is a full on Helm's Deep battle. The troops from the North ride unicorns and hollowed-out VWs that have been turned into chariots. Meanwhile the Southern warriors ride dark lizards some who pull old Datsun pick-ups that have been turned into "battle-wagons" (I think we all know what side I'm on).
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